Joined: Mar 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 801 Location: Grass Valley, CA
Re: Spaceballs « Reply #15 on Mar 30, 2004, 6:49pm »
SKROOB I'll be down immediately. COMMANDERETTE Shall I have Snotty beam you down? SKROOB I don't about that beaming stuff. Is it safe? COMMANDERETTE Oh yes, sir. Snotty beamed me twice last night. It was wonderful. SKROOB All right, I take a shot at it. What the hell, it works on Star Trek. (steps into the beaming pod) COMMANDERETTE Snotty, beam him down. SNOTTY (O.S.) Yes, sir. Immediately, sir. SKROOB beams out of his office. INT. CENTRAL CONTROL - NIGHT SKROOB reappears. His head is on backwards. VOICE(O.S.) Gees feesetes, what's happened to his head? COMMANDERETTE It's on backwards. SKROOB This is terrible. Do something. SNOTTY I'm sorry, sir. There must have been a microconverter malfunction. SKROOB (lifts up the tail on his suit) Why didn't somebody tell me ass was so big. Everyone else looks and snickers. SNOTTY Hold on, sir. We'll try and reverse the beam. Could be the interlocking system. SKROOB scratches his leg. SNOTTY (flipping switches) Lock 1, Lock 2, Lock 3, Lock lone. SKROOB beams out.
Joined: Mar 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 801 Location: Grass Valley, CA
Re: Spaceballs « Reply #16 on Mar 30, 2004, 6:50pm »
INT. PRESIDENT SKROOB'S OFFICE - NIGHT SKROOB reappears, back to normal. COMMANDERETTE appears on the wall. COMMANDERETTE Are you all right, Mr. President. SKROOB Fine, fine, no thanks to you. COMMANDERETTE We'll beam you back, sir. SKROOB Forget it. Forget it. No more beaming. This time I'm gonna walk. (walks through the door)
Joined: Mar 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 801 Location: Grass Valley, CA
Re: Spaceballs « Reply #17 on Mar 30, 2004, 6:52pm »
INT. CENTRAL CONTROL - NIGHT COMMANDERETTE President Skroob, Salute. ALL (salute) Hail Skroob! SKROOB salutes. CHARLENE & MARLENE Hello, President Skroob. SKROOB Oh, uh. Hello, Charlene. MARLENE I'm Marlene. SKROOB Hello, Marlene. CHARLENE I'm Charlene. SKROOB Chew your gum. Where's the Princess. COMMANDERETTE Right there, sir. On the left side of the screen of the screen, approaching Spaceball 1, at fifteen hundred light leagues per minute. SKROOB Good, good. She almost in our grasp. Tell Dark Helmet he must take the Princess alive.
Joined: Mar 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 801 Location: Grass Valley, CA
Re: Spaceballs « Reply #18 on Mar 30, 2004, 6:53pm »
EXT. SPACEBALL 1 - SPACE In front of Spaceball 1 is Vespa's car. INT. SPACEBALL 1 - SPACE SANDURZ and HELMET are standing in the front. SANDURZ Princess Vespa's spaceship within range, sir. HELMET (mask down) Good. Fire a warning shot across her nose. Guns start firing.
Joined: Mar 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 801 Location: Grass Valley, CA
Re: Spaceballs « Reply #19 on Mar 30, 2004, 6:55pm »
INT. VESPA'S CAR - SPACE VESPA takes off the headphones. The car is shaking. VESPA What's going on? DOT It either the 4th of July, or someone trying to kill us. VESPA Hey! I don't have to put up with this. I'm rich. (picks up phone) DOT What you doing? VESPA I'm calling my father. 1-800-DRUIDIA. (dials the phone)
Joined: Mar 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 801 Location: Grass Valley, CA
Re: Spaceballs « Reply #20 on Mar 30, 2004, 6:56pm »
INT. SPACEBALL 1 - SPACE HELMET (lifts up mask) Careful, you idiot. I said across her nose, not up it. GUNNER (lifts up eye guard) Sorry, sir. (he is cross-eyed) Doing my best. HELMET Who made that man a gunner? MAJOR I did, sir. He's my cousin. (he is cross-eyed, too) HELMET Who is he? SANDURZ He's an Asshole, sir. HELMET I know that. What's his name? SANDURZ That is his name, sir. Asshole, Major Asshole. HELMET And his cousin? SANDURZ He's an Asshole, too, sir. Gunner's-mate, 1st Class, Philip Asshole. HELMET How many Assholes we got on this ship, anyhow? All, but few, stand up. ALL Yo! HELMET I knew it. I'm surrounded by Assholes. (pulls down mask) Keep firing, Assholes.
Joined: Mar 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 801 Location: Grass Valley, CA
Re: Spaceballs « Reply #23 on Mar 30, 2004, 7:01pm »
INT. EAGLE 5 - SPACE LONE STARR and BARF are talking to ROLAND on the phone. ROLAND Lone Starr, you've got to help me. Please, save my daughter. She's being attacked by Spaceballs. LONE STARR Spaceballs? Forget it. Too dangerous. Besides, I'm already numero uno on Dark Helmet's hit list. BARF Look, your highness, it's not that we're afraid. Far from it. It's just we got this thing about them. It's not us. ROLAND Please, you must. You're the only ones who can save her. I'll give anything. Did you her me? Anything. BARF Anything? ROLAND Yes! Anything! LONE STARR Okay, we'll do it for a million. ROLAND A million? BARF Whoa, you startin' to fade here. We're losing picture, your highness. ROLAND All right, all right, I'll pay it. Only find her, save her. LONE STARR All right, King, you just made a deal. BARF One princess for one million spacebucks. LONE STARR What's she drivin'? ROLAND A brand new, white Mercedes, 2001 SEL Limited Edition. Moon roof, all leather interior. I got it at a very good price. I paid cash. My cousin, Prince Murray, has a dealership in the valley. He was very nice to me. LONE STARR We get the idea. Where was she last seen. ROLAND She was just passing Jupiter 2. LONE STARR We'll find her. ROLAND Please, bring her back safely. And, if it's all possible, try to save the car. (disappears off T.V.) BARF One million spacebucks. We'll be able to pay off Pizza the Hut. LONE STARR Gimmie paw. BOTH (hawl like a dog) Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
Joined: Mar 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 801 Location: Grass Valley, CA
Re: Spaceballs « Reply #24 on Mar 30, 2004, 7:02pm »
INT. VESPA'S CAR - SPACE Spaceball 1 fires their magnetic beam at Vespa's car. VESPA What's happening? What's that glow? We're not moving. DOT Oh, we're moving all right, backwards.
Joined: Mar 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 801 Location: Grass Valley, CA
Re: Spaceballs « Reply #25 on Mar 30, 2004, 7:04pm »
INT. EAGLE 5 - SPACE LONE STARR Look, there's our princess. She's got company. BARF Oh, no, Spaceballs. And they've already got her in their magnetic beam. Oh, well, we're too late. What a shame. I'll just throw her in reverse, and we'll get outta here. (reaches for the reverse switch) LONE STARR (stops him) Barf. No. Bad. BARF Oh, what are we doing risking our lives for a runaway princess? I know we need the money... LONE STARR Listen. We're not just doing this for money. We're doing it for a shit load of money! BARF Oh, you're right, and when you're right, you're right, and you, you're always right. Okay, we save her, but how? The minute we move in there, they're spot us on their radar. LONE STARR Uh-uh. BARF Uh-huh. LONE STARR Uh-uh. BARF Uh-huh. LONE STARR Uh-uh, not if we jam it. BARF Ah, ha! You're right. LONE STARR Down scope. BARF Down scope. The scope comes down. BARF looks through the scope and focuses on the radar. BARF Radar, about to be jammed. Jam comes flying and crashes the radar.
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